We now (don't) resume our regularly scheduled runs

In theory, now that I'm "running" again I can rejoin Pam for our runs that we've been doing during the week for the past 5 or 6 years. When we started, Pam was slow and I was quicker and we both adjusted. As she got more experienced, Pam became much faster than I am but she'd slow down for the evening runs so that we could chat without me spitting up a lung. We've always had people join us here and there through the years, but mostly we'd set the pace as comfortable for the slower person, usually but not always me.

When I experienced my knee issues I was very concerned that Pam would lose her running partner but Olivia stepped up and they started running together. I'd experience great envy reading Olivia's running reports and started getting worried when I read the latest ones about how fast they were running. I know from my weekend runs with the rest of my running buds that once they start running faster, I try to keep up and I just end up not having a good run.

That was the case last night. I met up with Pam, Olivia and Sandy at the usual time and place. We set off and immediately I could tell that the pollen in the air wasn't going to be reacting well in my lungs. I huffed and puffed as we went along to the place we stretch and caught my breath when we stopped. After the stretch I took off in the lead for a bit but then I let the rest of them go ahead of me. I tried to keep up, pushing my pace. I've lost all of my aerobic conditioning in the last few months on top of trying to be very careful of my knee.

At our turnaround point I told them to go ahead so I could walk, but really I wanted them to go ahead so I could slow down. If they're right there I'd try to keep up but if they were even a few steps ahead I could go my own pace. I was able to slow down until we met back up at the stop light, then we ran the rest of the way together. I know they were running slower than they could, so that I could stay with them, but it was still too fast for me and I had to push too much.

My knee was aching when I finished. I didn't enjoy the run and think I may just go back to the treadmill until I think I can keep up a little better. It ruins the joy of the run when I'm breathing so hard I not only can't talk, I can't hear what anyone else is talking about. I may as well just be by myself. And if I'm by myself, I may as well stay home. Maybe by the summer I'll be able to run with them again.