Once more, starting over again. Again.

Sometimes I think I should just rename this blog "Another New Start." Apparently I'm not that great at follow-through and I'm pretty shabby at keeping up with my plans to change my life and improve my health.

After I ran my last marathon I told myself I HAD to make 2 changes before I ran another. First I needed to cut my hair since it was heavy and hot, slapping me on the back and the arms and spraying water everywhere and just an annoyance I didn't need. That was easily taken care of (although if it had been that easy, why did I wait for 8 months between cuts?). Less easy was my second issue which was to lose 10 pounds and get in better running shape. That's where I have to start over.

On Monday I did something I haven't done since I was married: I joined a gym. Yup, the woman who has her own workout room with treadmill and exercycle and weights and a step. The woman who as 3 -- count 'em, 3 -- bicycles in her garage. That woman: me. I not only joined a gym, I joined a gym that will cost me a lot of money. All so that I can pay even more money to work with a personal trainer. In the morning. Before work. At 6:00 am. Holy Early Riser, Batman!

It was Claudia's fault. Just like when I joined the tri team and when I joined the century team. Heh. Way to take some personal responsibility, Amy. Actually, it's all on me with just some friendly assist from Claudia. See, she gets up in the middle of the night and drives to the gym and works out with a trainer. If I had someone to meet I'd actually show up too. Especially if I have to pay for it. So she escorted me to her gym (which is 5 minutes from my house), introduced me to her trainer, and now I'm committed to not only paying the money, but to showing up. And by showing up, to work my ass off.

And since it doesn't make much sense to get back on the regular exercise wagon without paying attention to my food intake, I've started keeping a food diary and counting points. By writing it down I can see exactly how much I'm stuffing in my mouth and get a handle on controlling my out-of-control diet.

I think we all know I'm not good at dealing with new and uncomfortable situations. My anxiety level is through the roof right now (full disclosure: not all of it is due to the gym/trainer, some is due to family). My normal sleeplessness has degraded even further. Even though I'm awake at 5:30 am (... and 4:30 ... and 3:30 ...) I find I'm too weary to get up and run, although I'll be getting up and meeting the trainer twice weekly. When I get home from work I'm so pooped I just want to nap, again getting in the way of my running. The biggest thing I'm going to have to change in my life is to convince myself that even if I'm exhausted, I still have to get in my workouts. Regularly and constantly. Otherwise I'll be back here in 4 months starting over again.