Tuesday, July 21, 2009

It hasn't even been a month

Somehow I feel that this roller coaster ride began months ago instead of merely three weeks ago. I thought that my coping mechanisms were well in place, working properly, but I must have missed the warning label telling me that they would only work overtime for a short period. I was capable and strong for a week, capable for another week but that third week done me in. I got to the (highly annoying) point where absolutely everything was making me cry, I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating well, wasn't running, wasn't being much use at all. And I'm not at all sure why I'm speaking in the past tense since I don't think I'm over it or able to resume full capability, reason and balance yet.

I'm not going to go into detail here, but the Cliff Notes version is that today my mom was (again) discharged from the hospital into the care of an assisted living facility where they are used to handling patients (residents?) with dementia. My mom is barely coherent, physically weak, bruised and confused. I'm waiting for the phone to ring while hoping it doesn't because we've run out of viable options.

In the middle of all this has been some joy and fun. Saturday morning I met up with Bree, Anita and Olivia for a planned 14 mile run. We managed about 13.75 miles but not all of that was running. My lungs were vastly unhappy. I had had some roses in my office and never even considered that they might cause problems (they were beautiful! Their fragrance was very light! They're my favorite flower! They were a gift from a good friend! They cheered me up! I liked them!). After a couple of days I realized I couldn't get a breath and finally realized why (I'm a little slow on the thinking these days). Add to that the stress and questionable air quality and I was a wheezy runner. I was even a wheezy walker. But it was a beautiful morning in Alameda and we had a good time catching up while we ambled along.

Saturday night was the long-planned outing with Anita and Bree. We had dinner at Blowfish in San Francisco (omg it was the best sushi ever) (and the drinks were fabulous too) (and that dessert was incredible) and then went to the Orpheum to see Wicked. Excuse me, I'm too lazy to post links and too tired to post the great pictures of dinner that I snapped throughout. The play was great, even with the very wide gentleman blocking my entire direct view (I sat sideways, leaning out of my seat into the aisle). I highly recommend it (the play, not the leaning). I also highly recommend having friends like Bree and Anita with which to share an evening.

And speaking of friends, thank you so much to all of you who have checked in by either comment, email or tweet to see how I'm doing. Your friendship and concerns are exactly what's keeping my remaining sanity intact. I'm sorry I haven't been responding to everyone, I'm using most of my "nice" energy when I visit my mom and don't seem to have much left over for correspondence or telephoning. Just know that every one of you is important to me and I hope that someday I can return the favor and give you support when you need it.

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